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Ask Joitoyz - Role play?

Q: My boyfriend likes to joke about role-playing, but I think he actually wants to try it out. I like the idea of role-playing, but the thought of doing it in real life freaks me out a little bit. I’m afraid of feeling awkward, or feeling like a cheesy porn star and ruining the moment for him. I also don’t have any specific role-play scenarios in mind, so I’m not sure what to do.
A: Role-playing can be a ton of fun, but it can bring up some anxiety. The concerns that you mention are the ones I heard before. Most people are intrigued by the idea of role-playing, but worried about looking like an idiot.
Here are some steps for enjoying your first role-playing experience.
Pick your character
If you’re new to role-playing, I’d suggest starting with something simple and easy. There’s no need to get overly complicated! Pick scenarios that you’re already familiar with, to give you an idea of what to say and how to act.
Here are some easy role-play scenarios to consider.  
Real estate agent and potential buyer
Personal trainer and client
Doctor and patient
Masseuse and client
Repairman and homeowner
Actress and casting agent/director/actor
Model and photographer
Teacher and student
You can even try reversing the roles in each scenario.
Keep in mind that you can also role-play without having a complex backstory. You can pretend to be strangers who have never met before. That way, you still get to be yourself. Or you can trying playing with power dynamics instead. One person gets to be the boss and have complete control, while the other person has to be submissive and follow instructions.
Talk about it
Once you have a few fantasies in mind, talk about them with your partner.  Role-playing is great in that it can be as simple or as complex as you’d like it to be. You can role-play with just your words, or with costumes and props.
If either one of you has ideas about how you’d like this role-play to go, try to share as many details as you can. Who would you like to play, what actions would you want to take, when are you going to do the role-play, and where are you going to do it?
Set your limits
A special note about rape fantasies: Rape is one of the most common role-play fantasies. There’s nothing wrong with having a rape fantasy, but you need to be very careful if you decide to act one out. Make sure you have an iron-clad safeword in place, and talk in detail about the behaviors that are on or off the table.
Above all, have fun during the planning process. Talking about your fantasies can be exciting and playful, so don’t take yourselves too seriously. You may also find that discussing the details of your fantasies ends up being just as sexy as the actual role-play itself!
Playing your role
t’s natural to feel afraid of what to say or do, or worried that you’ll act awkward in the moment, but try to remember that you’re just playing. No one is judging your acting ability, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself! If you say something silly, just laugh together and keep going. Acknowledging awkwardness is a lot easier than trying to pretend nothing happened.
After you’ve had your role-play session, talk to your partner about how it went. Focus on the things that you liked or would like to explore more.
Good luck, and have fun!
Interested in role play?  Not sure now to start? 
Halloween is a great time to try a little role play
Get a sexy costume from and let the fun begin.
For role playing and costumes ideas, check out

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