As mentioned in Chapter 3, the importance of sending early, clear messages about your desire, as well as building anticipation of your time together are two sure ways to improve your sex life. Another very important aspect of lovemaking for both men and women, but more particularly for women, is foreplay. Foreplay can include flirting, as discussed earlier, but it also needs to include some very deliberate types of physical contact. This romantic touch doesn't need to be overtly sexual in nature and for many men and women it really doesn't need to be even subtly sexual. Human contact is a need that everyone has. This includes both mental and physical contact with others. Sex is the most intimate of that type of physical contact, and the most satisfying. To increase your sex life, start adding a bit more casual touching in your relationship.... you will be amazed at the results.
Very socially appropriate types of touching between couples include:
- Holding hands - This is a very traditional way for couples to remain in close physical contact with each other. Try adding a subtle stroking motion with your thumb or fingers on the other person's hand and see the response that you get.
- Hands on the arm or leg - A gentle and brief touch on the knee, upper leg or the forearm can be a very romantic gesture. You should also maintain eye contact as much as possible when you make the gesture; this combines both an emotional message as well as the physical contact.
- Arms around the waist or shoulders - Similar to a hand hold, couples often link arms around their waists or their shoulders to bring their bodies closer together. Try adding a gentle rub on the arm or a slow movement of the hand down the waist or hips to add to the sensuality of the touch.
- Kissing - Kissing without becoming too extreme is a socially acceptable way to show your love and desire for your partner or spouse. Just don't get too carried away, especially in work environments as it may cause your partner to be uncomfortable or even resentful of the attention. Talking about what is OK and what isn't and what both of your comfort levels are with regards to kissing is an important conversation to have.
- Stroking the face or neck -Reaching over to run a gentle hand down your partner's cheek or neck is a very sexy move that is also subtle and very appropriate. Again, eye contact will enhance the mood and clearly send an "I want you" signal.
Foreplay in private can be much more sexual and intimate in nature. Full body contact, hugging, kissing and attending to each other, is a great way to signal your desire. Of course, foreplay can also include undressing each other slowly and sensually as well as giving each other massages or simply exploring each other's bodies. Foreplay needs to start early and can extend for long periods of time before you make love. Many couples admit that sex becomes a routine and an expectation, almost as if it is a timed event, rather than an enjoyment of each other. By extending the foreplay outside of the act of intercourse, you will extend your sexual arousal and enjoyment, leading to a more satisfying sexual encounter.